Cover

Teacher:
What should be in a
book to make it a bestseller?

Tommy:
A girl on the cover
and
no cover on the girl.

Who is guilty (Husband / Wife) ?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”

Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: “Damn, I am the husband!”

Stop looking at girls

Aftr engagemnt!
Girl:
Now stop looking at girls,u r commited now!

Boy:
Oho what do u mean,
if i m on diet,
that doesnt mean that i cant look at MENU . .

Cute proposal for love at first sight

Cutest Proposal –
A Boy Rings D Door-Bell Of A Girls Home.
&
Asks ,
“Do U Belive In Love At First Sight
Or
Should I Come Back Again..”

World’s smallest resignation letter!

World’s smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I love Ur wife.

Thank you

Kissing while driving

Any man who can drive safely
while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss
the attention it deserves.

How to get your brain exercised

2 friends,

“see” & “saw”:

1 day “see” saw sea & “saw” didnt see sea.
“See” saw sea and jumped in sea.
“Saw” didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
“See” saw “saw” in sea & “saw” saw “see” in sea.
“See” “saw” both saw sea & both “saw” & “see” were happy to see Sea.

That is how to exercise your brain..!

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN


Nobody teaches
Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
&
no one teaches
How to choose a Wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Fact about women

Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband’s coat from 20 meters,
but can’t see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . .

Importance of thumb…

Importance of thumb…

Children use it 4 chewing

Illiterate people use it 4 sign

Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
A$$h0les use it 4 reading my messages
.
.
.
.
.
Oh….u toooo?

Do u want to hear a dirty joke

Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
Ok, here you go…
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud

Dream of receiving jewelry & cloths

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
that u were sending me
jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, and I saw a dream
that your dad paying the bill !!!

Lecture on Sun

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Boy: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Boy: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!

A person who surrenders

A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND!

Recently fired stock trader

A recently fired
stock trader said …

“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”

A person who keeps on talking…

Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.

Cant lie till Z

A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z…

Wife:What is 10 years with me?

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Why did u shoot ur wife?

Judge: why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shooting her lover?

Husband: Your honour,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.

Before and after marriage

Before Marriage:

He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don’t even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on with me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I’m not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!

After marriage…
Now simply read from bottom to top

When u feel sad….

When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“damn I am really so cute”
u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!

"BACKUP before BREAKUP" is a funny one and TRUE

Nice collection!

Devices

Woman is like bluetooth,
u r next 2 her,
she stays connected,
u go away,
she finds new device

Man is like wi-fi,
many devices can connect 2him at a time

A Sweet demand by a kid

A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked- what happen son?
Kid said-I cant adjust with your wife anymore,
I want my own.

Throwing knives on wife's picture

Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"

A successful man

A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.

New Models

Boys Can Never B
Satisfied With
3 Things In Life:

-Mobile
-Bike
-Girlfriend

Because;
There Is Always
A Better Model
Available In Future

Coffee and wine shop difference

John- What Is Difference
Between COFFEE Shop & WINE
Shop?
Paul- COFFEE Shop Is The
Starting Point Of LOVE & WINE
Shop Is Last Point Of LOVE

Talking to Wife

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Naughty Mind

Love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh
and makes a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in & out
can't wait 4 next time.
Love u my Toothbrush!

Alarm Clock

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock

Cost of Marriage

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

Programming

Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

Meet or Meat

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Dogs

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog,
to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog,
for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ...
Now read without the word dog.

Driving

Do you ever notice that when you're driving,
anyone going slower than you is an idiot and
everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Urban Dictionary

(_!_)An arse
(__!__)Fat arse
(!)Tight arse
(_?_)Dumb arse
(_*_)Sore arse
(_zzz_)Tired arse
(_E=mc2_)Smart arse
(_x_)Kiss my arse!!

Viagra

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

Days beginning with T

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

Enternet

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!